First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
