? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
