dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
