but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
