I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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