Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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