She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
