Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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