R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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