I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's blow job season.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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