hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
