If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Is it penis luge time yet?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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