I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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