Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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