Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
