no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
This house was built for laser tag.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
3 2 1 whiskey
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize