im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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