I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
