How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize