Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
