Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
