Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
