1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I need help removing her.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
