Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize