with your own penis?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
