Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
