If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
