and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
