you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
