She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize