Pappa wants mamma naked
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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