I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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