once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
