We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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