someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
