haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
