girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
