My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
