she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
