I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
