Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
