$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
