And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
