I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
