I think i peed on brittanys purse
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
