If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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