when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
