I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
