My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
