she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
