you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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