I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
