ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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