Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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