i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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