Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
