sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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