I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
