I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
