Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
