sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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