He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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