Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
