So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
