Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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