Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
